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Monday, June 13th, 2005
10:19 pm

I had a scary dream...Collapse )

I don't get dreams like that sometimes. I don't know why I think like that sometimes.
I felt like I was in danger the other day and I liked it. I don't know why I liked it. Maybe I'm a twisted bitch, but I liked the heart race and not knowing what was going to happen. I liked the intense feeling of happiness ~ like I didn't have a mind. But, for some reason I felt scared. I was in control, but at the same time I wasn't. It was such a rush. I wanted everything to happen, but I didn't wanna remember it. I don't remember feeling anything. I was just so out of it and I liked it. Someone could have taken advantage of me. Hell, even Jason said "You have to get off". So, I was safe even with the guy I knew the least best and is friends with Brett. There was no reason to be scared.
I wanna be scared. I wanna be petrified. Not paranoid kind of petrified. But, I wanna get into situations where anything could happen.
I wanna be with someone I don't know. I wanna fall in love with someone I've barely met. I wanna be held and touched and loved by someone who won't let me get close, but I'm the closest to them. I want someone who will die for me and love me and not let me know why. I want to be on the edge of my seat with every kiss and every drug and every moment spent alive.
I don't wanna know what's going to happen! I know every second of my life.
Here's the things I never want to leave:
1.) Andrea
2.)Any of my friends for that matter
3.)Whatever drugs are good lol
5.)My ferrets ~ if I ever see them again =-(

Here's what I want to leave (me alone):
1.)My family
6.)People who feel they have to control me
7.)My shrinky
8.)My feelings for some peoples

Here's what I wish to gain:
1.)Someone new
2.)More new people lol
4.)3 more years lmao

I don't know there's more. But I just want toi be surprised.
Nothing's going to happen between me and Marwinn. My mom's controling me again like some psycho bitch. I'll be 15 July 10th ~ 27 more days. Andrea, my best friend, and I are now friends with benefits I guess cause we're in love and we do shit ~ lotsa shit ~ (sexual) together, but we're just friends, but that's okay.
In all honesty I wanna be with Jason. We almost has sex Friday. He wanted to go upstairs and I said no cause Andrea was with us. I wish I could be with him now. I barely know him and he's into drugs, but is good about them, not like he's dependant on them, but he does do them. Coke, x, weed, maybe heroin, i dont really know about heroin, but so it's not like hes new to drugs. and hes 22. he's liked 7 years older. i know im way too old in my mind for what my age actually is but this is me. i dont know how else to deal. all my friends are in their 20s. im so grown up without bragging or meaning to me. this is just my life and Jason says im jailbait ~ i am ~ but Brett dated me why can't he? omg I just want him cause I know it'll be exciting and hard to manage and that's what I want...

Call me crazy I know I can be an idiot sometimes...

*Just luve me*

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Monday, May 30th, 2005
8:03 pm



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Friday, April 29th, 2005
6:03 pm

Hey everyone. I know this community is called lovelyfe but really the thing is that this is a place to come to for all your problems and stuff. dont be fooled by the name. really what it means is that its about life, love, and everything between. so no matter what it is you can post whatever. just no fighting with anyone. i wont put up with that for a minute. i know i may sound rude but i'm really nice. i am you mod teenwitch666 so contact me if you need any advice or anything. thanx and have fun! :)

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